Where do I go from here?

So I saw a psychatrist a while back.

We sat in his office and he asked why I was there. I told him I was having seizures and that my latest neuro was adamant that the seizures were not epileptic in origin, because my EEG was clear (I tried to remind him that EEGs are unreliable because they may not pick up seizures that develop in the frontal lobe or deep in the brain, plus they can have false positives or negatives) I told the psychiatrist that the neuro told me to move to the states to find help and majority of his answers were "I cant help you" or "I dont know".

The psychiatrist asked me what I thought they were. I told him I didnt know. I told him I didnt care what they were, as long as he can make them stop. I didnt care whether they were epileptic, psychogenic, diabetic or magic, just make them go away. I told him that I responded well to meds (except neurontin which made things worse) and that had to be a good sign. I told him that now that I am not taking meds I am scared for my life as I have a habit of going into respiratory arrest after seizures. He just stared at me blankly. He asked me some very basic questions and then concluded that I handle stress well, that I am in no need to be seeing him as he doesnt think I need a psychiatrist and that I should see another neuro. He was going to send a letter to my GP to say I was not needing any psychiatric help. (have yet to hear from my GP) The psych told me not to see him again.

I am now doctor-less, med-less and scared wit-less. I dont know what to do anymore. The seizures are getting worse, despite me trying to avoid things that will trigger them. I am depressed. I am pretty sure I have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) from my ordeal in the ICU as I still have nightmares where I wake up in a foreign place, cant see straight and start pulling tubes from my throat. (I dont have any concious memory of July 2010) Its been a year now and hospitals now terrify me.

Im trying to cope with being "alone" in the sense that it is only me fighting for my life. Doctors dont seem to want to care. Even for the tiny fact that I bring them a damn paycheque, they just dont want to deal with me. I am deemed a crazy female who cant handle stress. Regardless that I saw a shrink who said I am about as sane as one can get. I fully admit I used to be a cry baby. Now I have a "Fuck you" attitude. Nothing bugs me anymore except this. I have realized that all the other problems around me are minor to the seizures. That I would rather have alot more things that idiopathic seizures.

Nothing is cut and dry when if comes to seizures. So many variables, so many types of seizures, so many focal points, so many triggers, so many meds, so many side effects, so many issues. Yet they try to stuff you in a little mold labeled Epileptic and if you dont fit into it without causing a hassle or difficulty, then you must not be epileptic. Im not saying I want to be epileptic. I just want an answer so I can start getting better. I dont want them to find out whats wrong during an autopsy. I'm scared and im alone. Im frustrated and discouraged.

I think its sad that as someone who deals with seizures on a near daily basis, that I know more about the disorder, treatments, testing processes, possiblities and death rates than the people paid to have the job.