Just one of those days

I had so many seizures yesterday and sunday night, it was almost unreal. Aside from the pain all over my body and the shredded tongue, I would have thought I was dreaming it all. I stayed home from work yesterday, lyed in bed or on the floor, and slept. Its so draining its not even funny.

Think of your worst hangover you ever had. Now multiply that by 10. For those of you that dont drink, take the feeling of the most tired you ever felt and multiply that by 10. Thats what the after effects of a seizure feels like withour exaggerating. sometimes I am so tired I cant even lift my arms or  move my legs. I'm so sore I want to cry. Or I feel like barfing but dont want to because the acid will burn my poor wounded tongue. Its not fun and its not fair.

Some people seem to think that you can just suck it up, get dressed, hop on a bus and go to work. Most days I can. But sometimes I just can't. It really hurts and I am exhausted. Like I ran a marathon full speed in 4 minutes. My muscles quiver with exhaution. I once heard that astronauts' muscles will twitch and quiver for almost a full day after entering orbit because they are tense for so long on the way up. Thats what happens to people with seizures.

Not all seizures make me so tired. I can trooper through complex partials and simple partials no problem. I barely notice myoclonics or absence seizures, so no biggie there. Unless the myoclonic jerks are so frequent I cant write something or even pick up my drinking glass.

Its not something I would go on disability for. I have thought about it when it was really bad, but decided against it because there were plenty of things I could do from a computer desk or even from home. I am not permanently disabled, just selectively disabled. And its my brain that choses the days it wants off. It could be a special event or a holiday, a weekend or a funeral. It doesnt care what I have going on in my life.

So the next time you feel like opening your mouth to someone about missing work, or your birthday or sleeping through Christmas, dont. Because that person could be dealing with a very hard disorder or disease and hasnt told you. Or has told you and your just insensitive.

I  really wish there was a way to make people feel what its like to go through a week in my life with Epilepsy. Just once, and just for a week. I bet most of you couldnt handle my best weeks, let alone my worst